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Ryan’s other best mate.

Alfie is half French. He looks scarily hard, plays the flute and has a genius IQ.

He's totally girl-obsessed and fancies himself as a lady's man,, even though he’s yet to turn twelve.

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@RobertMuchamore 20 Jul 2017 Dad, 'Your mum's out getting a blow job.' Me, 'WHAAAAT?' Dad, 'You know, at the hairdressers.' Me, 'Dad, that's a blow dry.'